Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in donbunce's LiveJournal:

Friday, August 18th, 2006
12:04 pm	CHAPTER 9 - CHAPTER 10 C H A P T E R 9 - The Beer Cans Spell Out Bear Bryant From Hope's earliest tours of the military bases during World War II, it was obvious that he enjoyed a special and unique rapport with young people. So in the fall of 1979, he made his first post-Vietnam foray into the academic world----during the Vietnam years, his stand on the war made college campuses off-limits----with a carefully arranged special entitled "Bob Hope on Campus." Co-produced by his daughter, Linda and Frank Badami II, the 90-minute show would take Hope from the University of Southern California to the University of Alabama to Florida's Gator Growl with classroom stops along the way at Indiana State University, Harvard College and Colgate. The Comedy Factory created the material for the tour with the same process that had been so successful on his overseas specials. Weeks in advance, we had been provided with plenty of reference material on each school so the jokes could be tailored to fit every audience on Hope's itinerary. Guest stars appeared during several of the stopovers for a sketch or stand-up routine, but as they had done in the military shows, the monologues dominated and defined the tour. Tanned and Trojan USC was Rose Bowl-bound that year so Hope's first monologue, taped on the steps of the Student Union, not surprisingly overflowed with pigskin references: "USC is becoming such a football dynasty, the babies born around here are slapped on both ends so they'll know what a scrimmage feels like. And I've never seen such school spirit. It's nice to see students getting high on something you don't have to inhale." In the late seventies, the drug abuse problem had yet to reach the proportions it would soon attain. In 1981, NBC asked Hope not to make light of illicit drugs or their (by then) widespread use. We were told to cut the pot jokes which had been a regular staple in our submissions and for the rest of his career on TV, Hope would never mention hard drugs on the air again. In the mid-eighties, he took part in a network-sponsored anti-drug campaign called "Get High on Yourself" which had about the same effect on drug use as Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" campaign.We couldn't resist taking a few swipes at Southern California's well-known reputation for seismic instability: "It must be tough trying to concentrate in class with all of our earthquakes. One guy enrolled at USC, took his exams at UCLA and graduated from Pepperdine." It would be fifteen years before the devastating 6.9 temblor would epicenter in nearby Northridge on January 19, 1994. Poisoning the Ivy League It was on to Cambridge, Massachusetts and the historic campus of Harvard University. The writers almost qualified for advanced history degrees pouring over the voluminous background material the Crimson Triangle had been accumulating for a hundred and thirty years. The alumni list reads like "Who's Who Among the Rich and Famous and Elected on the First Ballot" and the writers took great delight in providing jibes for one ageless icon to toss at another: "Harvard was founded in 1836 and here I am standing on its stage. Who would have thought it would last that long, huh?" We turned out numerous variations of this joke over the years. On Hope's 30th anniversary on TV special, it came out "Who would have thought NBC would last that long?" Historically, Harvard had been acting as unofficial personnel office for Capital Hill and the White House and a disproportionate number of Foggy Bottom's Smoke-Filled Room & Pork Barrel Club members boast sheepskins with crimson edges: "For over 130 years, Harvard has been producing more politicians than any other school, but they've made up for it in many other ways. And it's one of the richest schools in the Ivy League. Of course, it's easy to collect money that has pictures of the alumni printed on it. But my favorite is that Winthrop House dorm where all the Kennedys roomed, or, as it's otherwise known, White House North." Orange Crush Winging due south, Hope headed for the University of Florida's annual excuse to cut loose with enough 90-proof school spirit to float Gainesville to Appalachacola. Known affectionately as the "Gator Growl," it's raucous enough to cause real gators to seek asylum in a belt and wallet factory. On the eve of the homecoming game, Hope entered the Florida Stadium to the roar of 56,000 screaming students and their families: "Wow! I took one look at this crowd and said to the dean, 'Boy, I must be good.' He said, 'Not necessarily. They also turn out for the football games'." This was one of those lines we hoped the home audience would pick up on even if they weren't aware that Florida was in the midst of one of its worst seasons in recent memory. Partying is Job One on the resume of every Florida graduate worthy of the name (or so we were told) and we stopped just short of having Hope toss confetti while delivering lines like these: "I love your graduation ceremonies. Instead of mortar boards, party hats. I met a student who's majoring in Mixed Drinks. This is the only school in America whose diplomas say RSVP." Every campus, it seems, has a monument to the lusty pursuits of youth away from home for the first time: "I love that Legend of the Sentry Tower. Every time a virgin graduates a brick is supposed to fall. They tell me that makes it the safest place on campus during an earthquake." The line, of course, drew a roar from every male in the audience. Throughout our tour, any passing reference to sex got the same reaction that our liberty jokes elicited from sailors. Maybe the only difference between a college dorm and a ship is a little ivy. 'Bammy Bound Reviewing the piles of background stuff we received on the University of Alabama, it was clear that we'd be limited to three topics: football, football and football. We soon learned that Alabama is a campus where the Communications Department has a Joe Namath Chair in pantyhose and that Bryant is a more beloved bear than Smoky: "We had a great flight in. This campus is easy to spot from the air. All the empty beer cans spell out Bear Bryant." This "easy to spot from the air" setup was a comedy factory favorite. We often had the empty cans spell out "Beat (football rival)." Hope's real life alma mater was the University of the Keith Circuit where he graduated Summa Cum Laughter with a graduate degree in Mirth and a Phi Beta Kappa key to the wardrobe trunk. He had never set foot on campus as a student, but the college kids always seemed delighted by him, which came as no surprise to anyone. He hadn't served in the military either, but G.I.'s bonded with him in much the same way. The tour proved such a success, we had him in robe and mortarboard four years later for yet another academic frolic entitled "Bob Hope Goes to College." Longhorn U. The first layover on what would turn out to be Hope's last college special was Southern Methodist University in Dallas, an oil-rich Versailles of a campus known locally as "The Harvard of the South." Coming up with jokes that would play here wasn't much of a challenge; if there's one thing Texans enjoy being kidded about besides the size of their state, it's how rich they are: "There's so much money in Dallas. Where else do you see lawn ornaments that bring in fifty-thousand barrels a day?" Hope was not unfamiliar with "black gold." In the mid-40's, he teamed up with Bing Crosby to buy a well with some of their road picture profits. A vial of the brown goo from their first gusher is still on display in Hope's Toluca Lake office. Hope had a genuine affinity for Texans and the vast, petroleum-rich real estate on which they resided. His personal appearance tours took him there often and in 1982, he hosted a special called "Stars Over Texas" from Austin. Academic Indigestion Stop number two was Clemson University where, since its founding in 1882, the student cafeteria, Harken Hall, has been the butt of more jokes than Kathie Lee's singing career. The comedy factory wasted no time in going straight for the audience's digestive track: "There are four stages to a Harken Hall meal: the appetizer, the main course, the dessert and the autopsy." Second only to the food, the most common complaint on almost every campus we visited was lack of adequate parking and Clemson was no exception: "I had a great trip in. I traveled 3,000 miles--and that was just driving around the damn campus trying to find a parking space." Win One For the Gipper We packed our Pepto-Bismol, crossed ourselves and headed for South Bend, Indiana, home of one of the nation's most famous schools and biggest boost for Ronald Reagan's movie career, the University of Notre Dame. The most well known center of Catholicism this side of the Vatican wouldn't escape a barrage of ecclesiastical jibes as Hope wowed a stadium jam-packed with Fighting Irish: "What a reception we got at the airport! Father Hesburgh blessed our plane----while we were still five thousand feet in the air." Father Frank Hesburgh was to Notre Dame what Father Flanagan had been to Boys Town. The Church's most well known Jesuit, he represented the epitome of gridiron dominance that refused to take a back-seat to intelligence and learning: "They take football very seriously at Notre Dame, but unlike most other schools, here they won't award you a letter unless you can read one." Ironically, the Fighting Irish coach at the time wasn't a Catholic and wasn't even Irish, but Armenian. With Ara Parsegian coaching at Notre Dame and a Polish pope in the Vatican, centuries-old Catholic tradition was crumbling fast. Do Not Feed The Bears Since we had visited USC on our previous college tour, we figured the UCLA Bruins deserved equal time. On a soggy fall Saturday, about eight hundred students and faculty unfurled their umbrellas in front of the campus's main library. Despite the fact that the Bruins had locked up a Rose Bowl invitation, this time we decided to kid southern California's fun-in-the-sun image: "There nothing like fall in Southern California, watching all the blonde hair turn different shades of brown. Here, if you're not blonde, blue-eyed and have a perfect physique, you're allowed to use handicapped parking." On all of the specials done on location, we were accustomed to working out-of-doors and generally enjoyed excellent weather even in the face of dire predictions. Aboard the aircraft carrier Iwo Jima in 1979, we were able to continue taping while visible rainstorms raged on three sides of us a mere mile or two away. Hope may not have been on a first name basis with God, but he seemed to have a friend at Weather Central. Utah Jazzed Final stop on the tour was the state where the buffalo and the Osmond Family roam, Utah. Since we had stopped at Notre Dame, we decided to even things up denominationally with a visit to the Mormon's pride and joy, Utah State University in Logan. Berkeley it's not, with the majority of the student body listing somewhere to the right of Bob Jones. Conservative campuses are in the minority so the comedy factory enjoyed a refreshing change of topics: "Utah State, where men are men and women are women and, since the dorms aren't coed, you'll just have to take my word for it. The men live in the East high-rise and the women in the West high-rise. The most popular advice on campus is 'Go West, young man'." The subject of coed dorms, or here the lack of them, which gained acceptance on most campuses during the seventies and eighties, provided us with unlimited variations on a theme; at West Point, we had the dorm room doors mysteriously blowing shut and at Alabama, Hope decried the arrival of unisex bunking: "I think it's sad. Now a guy can go all the way through college without learning how to crawl up a sorority house wall." The tour ended and when the special aired several weeks later, the home audience could share Hope's obvious delight in entertaining campus after campus of bright and appreciative young people. It's no surprise that the college tours ranked among his favorite shows. And among the most fun to write, too. C H A P T E R 10- A Head Stuck In a Porthole Some actors like to rehearse and some don't. Hope didn't. He felt that over rehearsing could dull the precise timing and spontaneity that comedy, when done properly, requires. Hope's propensity toward under rehearsing no doubt prevented many guests who preferred more preparation from making return appearances. Hope's aversion to rehearsing led to the most often heard criticism of his television performances: his obvious reliance on cue cards. He was aware, of course, that the audience often caught him glancing off camera to pick up the words being held up by Barney McNulty and his crew positioned in as many as four locations around the set's perimeter. But for Hope, the alternative----memorizing his lines----would have been totally impractical. Remember that doing TV shows wasn't his primary job; appearing live on stage from one end of the country to the other was. The specials invariably took a back seat to his regular work. If Hope was stuck at an airport in Timbuktu, preparations for the show simply proceeded without him. When a physical presence was absolutely required, his longtime stand-in, Alan Kalm, performed the honors. Often, when Hope's schedule conflicted, the guests were compelled to rehearse without him, assured that he would miraculously appear by the time the little red light on the camera flickered to life. Hope also felt that allowing his guests too many rehearsals would give them more time to come up with objections to the lines that had been written for them. Ideally, he preferred to hand them their script just before the first read-through. At a typical read-through, the actors sit at a long table and recite their lines precisely as they appear in the script. On our show, several writers stood by in case new lines were needed or existing ones cried out for improvement (heaven forbid). It's at this point that our guests had the opportunity to voice any reservations they might have had concerning their lines, but because of Hope's status as a living legend, few ever complained. A nice perk for the comedy factory, by the way. If It's In The Script, It Must Be Funny Occasionally, someone would bolster the courage to speak up if they weren't satisfied with a particular line. On one Christmas special, Hope and Loretta Swit ("Hotlips" on M*A*S*H) were playing department store mannequins and Loretta had a line that went: "I feel so stupid standing there with hundreds of shoppers pointing at me and shouting, 'I want what she's wearing! I want what she's wearing!'" Hope's reaction line was: "Yeah, women can get pretty pushy." Loretta then says, "What women? Those were the men." The table erupted in laughter. Hope beamed. Obviously, everyone at the table liked the joke except Loretta who had recently become active in several gay causes and found the line demeaning to homosexuals. Ordinarily, no problem. Hope would cut the line. But not now. The joke had gotten a big laugh. Its value to the routine had been proven. The line wasn't going anywhere but straight onto the show. While sympathizing with Loretta, he convinced her ever so gingerly that she should never let personal feelings get in the way of a good joke. Who was going to argue with him? Sometimes, our notorious last-minute script deliveries backfired. We were in Honolulu one year for a special that featured guests Tom Selleck, Mr. T and Loni Anderson. Since Tom's segment was to be taped on the set of his series, "Magnum, P.I.," he was sent his script well in advance. Selleck's producers didn't want Hope's madcap writers disrupting Tom's ultra-conservative set. But scripts for the other two were delivered to their suites in the Honolulu Hilton so they'd be waiting for them when they arrived. Gene Perret and I had written a spot for Loni and Hope that centered around a recent made-for-tv movie of Loni's that had gotten high ratings. In the film, she played a high class call girl who somehow raised a teenage daughter while concealing from her the sordid nature of her profession. Gene and I assumed----wrongfully, as it turned out----that since she had consented to do the movie, she wouldn't mind having a little fun discussing its interesting, if totally implausible, premise. Our make-believe conversation contained exchanges like this: HOPE: So tell me, how did you ever manage to have all those men sleeping over without your daughter getting suspicious? LONI: Oh, that was easy. I just convinced her that she had a hundred and fifty uncles. While unpacking, Loni reads the material, concludes that we've made light of a serious topic and decides not to perform the piece. But she doesn't voice her complaints to anyone connected with the show. She calls her agent in California. (That's how things like this are done in Hollywood.) The agent then calls our producer, Carolyn Raskin, who's quickly on the phone to Hope who hangs up and dials us. We're dispatched forthwith to put out the artistic brush fire. We somehow convince Loni that we're paid to make light of serious topics and that call girls raising teens wasn't as yet a national scandal. Loni agrees to do the spot and we breathe easy again. We also decide never to write another routine about call girls. "You Can't Say That on Television!" Another reason that Hope disliked holding too many rehearsals is that he didn't want the script floating around the set for prying eyes to see. Constantly standing guard over America's fragile morality, NBC's Standards and Practices Department (the "censors") were, during the several weeks the specials were being written, on constant lookout for an opportunity to hone in on any words, phrases or other unsavory references that might corrupt the nation's youth. They sniffed out the latest rewrites like truffle hounds. They sat in on the run-throughs and dissected punchlines like dead frogs in a high school science class. We're doing another special with Loni in which she and Hope play astronauts on the first coed space shuttle mission. The sketch opens in the morning as Loni arrives on the flight deck to relieve Hope who's been up all night. She asks him if he had any trouble staying awake and Hope says, "Not at all. I watched my favorite program, WKRP in Uranus." But he pronounces the planet's name with emphasis on the "a." Again, laughter engulfs the group. Even people across the room are convulsed ----Read-throughs at NBC were held in rehearsal halls that had been designed for dancers----huge, cavernous rooms with wooden floors and tall mirrors along one wall. Lurking in one corner is the S&P guy who immediately informs Hope that his pronunciation won't be tolerated at the network. Hope responds that he's pronounced the name of the planet that way all of his considerable life and isn't about to change now. The pronunciation has since been officially amended in the broadcasters' guide probably because too many reporters couldn't manage to say it without breaking up. Anyone who had worked for Hope for any period of time knew that his line would appear in the air show exactly as it had appeared here for one simple reason: it had gotten a big laugh. And that, lest we forget, was Hope's business, getting laughs----the bigger the better. We were taping a show aboard the U.S.S. Lexington that was docked in Pensacola, Florida with guest stars Brooke Shields, Felicia Rashad ("The Cosby Show") and Barbara Mandrell. In one of our sketches, Barbara who plays a Lieutenant Commander, commits the unpardonable sin of falling in love with an enlisted man. During one of their forbidden rendezvous in an abandoned paint locker, two fellow officers played by Brooke and Felicia catch them in the act and the following exchange takes place: FELICIA: Commander, you're not the first officer to fall for an enlisted man, but why him? BARBARA: I think I fell in love with Ferdinand that day he was cleaning my porthole and his head got stuck. HOPE: That was my fault. I thought they were all six and seven eighths. As soon as Barbara said her line at rehearsal (it was actually a dress rehearsal with several hundred off-duty gobs looking on) laughter spread from the Lex's port to her starboard. Then, when Hope responded with his line, the venerable old girl actually appeared to rock. The NBC censor was immediately on the phone to network headquarters in New York to obtain official permission to excise the lines, but it was too late. Hope had already heard the audience laugh. Once that happened, not even a call from Billy Graham could make him delete the joke. (The pope, maybe, but only because of Dolores.) The plain truth of the matter was that when it came to what appeared on his shows, Hope had the final word. Until the late-eighties when his health and the quality of the shows began slipping along with the ratings, he had complete freedom to chose on which date and at what hour his specials would air. No performer in the history of the medium ever possessed this kind of power over a network. Hope had become so identified with the peacock, the young executives in the Olive Avenue ivory tower from the president on down were cowed by him. And Hope delegated his hard-earned power to no one. When it came to the directors he hired, only those who were willing to follow his instructions to the letter were invited back to the control booth. Understandably, few directors appreciated being so completely under the thumb of the star, so Hope developed a group of favorites who didn't mind working under these conditions. Over the years, they included Tim Kiley, Dick McDonough, Sid Smith, Kip Walton, Walter Miller and Bob Wynn, each of whom directed numerous specials. Hope's dominance extended to every facit of the show. In television, when the actors rehearse their movements on stage, it's called "blocking." The director----or, in the case of our show, Hope----choreographs each scene so he'll know where to locate the cameras to catch every nuance of the action. He also determines which shots he'll need (establishing shots, close-ups, medium shots, etc.) to interpret the material. Hope kept a tight reign on the entire process, down to dictating how long the director should hold each shot. Tapes of each segment of the show, as they were completed, were delivered to him for his final okay. If he saw something he didn't like, he'd issue specific instructions on how to fix it. No phase of a show's preparation was ever left completely to others. Hope controlled the entire production from the original concept to the finished script, from the design of the set to the lighting to the sound editing, wardrobe and casting. He even kept a close watch on post production editing and network promotion. A Bob Hope Special was just that -- a show that was Bob Hope's and no one else's, so it came as no surprise that he didn't take kindly to anyone who failed to see eye to eye with him on their quality. "Round Up the Usual Critics!" Hope worked hard on his specials and because he was proud of them, he suffered an acute allergic reaction to television critics who might be less than captivated by the end results of his efforts. Now on the leeward leg of a long and inordinately successful career, he craved acceptance----if not adulation. He had become accustomed to being liked and criticism of his performances, because it was rare, smarted all the more. By and large, because of his wide popularity and his near icon status, most TV critics had come to treat Hope with kid gloves. Most, but not all. In the early 1980s, Hope picked up what would prove to be a persistent and bothersome burr under his creative saddle. The burr's name was Gail Williams. Williams was a television reviewer employed by the entertainment industry trade paper The Hollywood Reporter who had embarked on what Hope believed to be----judging from his reaction to her reviews----a one-woman crusade to destroy, special by special, his television career. This, despite the fact that Williams's columns appeared after the shows had aired and couldn't possibly have effected their Neilsen ratings. Throughout his TV career, Hope had never allowed prescreening for the critics for this very reason. Besides, as I'd often point out to him when he'd call in a state of near apoplexy after reading one of her broadsides, The Hollywood Reporter is strictly a show biz publication with virtually no circulation outside of Tinseltown. It didn't matter. "I'm suing them for a million dollars!" he'd scream. After one particularly scathing review, he told me to call the entire staff and have them write anonymous letters to the paper defending him. Not unlike Nixon issuing orders in the heat of passion that his staff would ignore, we did likewise. While Hope carefully nurtured friendly relationships with most of the major newspaper TV critics across the country ---he never met a request for an interview that he turned down----he had no control over critics hired by the trade papers who were not beholden to him. They were free to express their true feelings and Williams did. In spades. What did Williams write that sent Hope's blood pressure into the stratosphere? Here's just a sampling: ". . . Bob 'dirty old man' Hope's latest special was a standard vehicle for the comedian. . . As always, conversations were marred by excessive reliance on cue cards and sketches were broad, featuring Hope in silly costumes, and sophomoric humor." ("Bob Hope's Spring Fling" 1980) ". . . Hope delivered his monologue with his characteristic expressionless panache." ("Hope For President" 1980) "Everyone read their cue cards reasonably well, and [Loretta] Swit even managed to make her lines sound somewhat spontaneous at points." ("Bob Hope's All-Star Comedy Christmas Special" 1980) And she was just getting warmed up. By the time the 1982 season rolled around, Williams' had found the range and her editorial arrows were beginning to find more and more bull's eyes. Here are her impressions of that year's Christmas special: "Bob Ho-ho-ho-Hope's Christmas special this year was virtually indistinguishable from any other season's Hope holiday greeting. The Merriest of the Merry----Bob Hope's Christmas Show----a Bagful of Comedy (Hope special titles seem to grow larger in direct proportion to diminishing originality) was a hopelessly hackneyed effort, the sort of inspirationless Yuletide special that brings out the Scrooge in TV critics." By the 1983 season, it was obvious that there would be no turning back. Miss Williams had voluntarily burned her bridges and effectively took herself out of the running for possible inclusion in Hope's will: "Sometimes the cheap extremes to which Hope's specials stoop are so low, laughs are generated in spite of one's better instincts, but they are embarrassed chuckles, not hearty guffaws." ("Bob Hope's All-Star Superbowl Party") And----tah, dah----the review of 1983's "Bob Hope's Road to Hollywood" that almost gave birth to that million dollar lawsuit: "Apparently, Bob Hope gives many viewers what they want because his specials frequently still earn high ratings. It's a mystery why the formula keeps working. Sure, we all respect Hope as an enduring American institution. But it's not just because he's a veteran who has entertained millions for many years. It's also because he acts like an institution. When he steps down from his pedestal in his specials, Hope can still be funny. But when he virtually stages tributes to himself. . . it's just a tad embarrassing. Perhaps Hope's standard bad sport Oscar jokes are more revealing than one realizes----maybe Hope fetes himself because he really does feel unrecognized. . . One only wishes that this prodigiously talented performer would stop resting on his laurels in uninspired, formula specials and take a few chances. . . At his best in films, Hope was disarming. Now that his specialty is introducing lineups of guest stars with insincere-sounding suavity----and starring in his own show's commercials----he's not nearly as much fun." Kind of makes you wonder how we held down our jobs year after year, doesn't it? (c) Copyright 2006 Robert L.Mills (All Rights Reserved) (Comment on this)
Friday, August 11th, 2006
11:25 am	To Buy or Not To Buy Is This Michigan's Worst Home Schedule in 10 Years and Was It Worth Buying Tickets For? For those of you with short attention spans this is a two part post. First, a little narative on what got me going on this random rant. Second, hard numbers of where this upcoming schedule fits into Michigan's last ten years and how these numbers may indicate future success. PART I: Why This Year, God!? Why!? Damn my luck. Like everyone else I paid my $10 online to the nameless, faceless Michigan athletic conglomerate in the hopes that a season ticket or two would become available. I even sent in my check to the Victors Club for good measure (more than $10). But, even as I sealed the envelope, I knew full well I had no chance in hell of getting season tickets this year or for the next fifteen. When the letter came back telling me that I would not be able to purchase season tickets, I wasn't disappointed. I figured it would happen. Living in Chicago, with no family in Michigan and all my college friends scattered throughout the US (and nowhere near campus), a trip to Ann Arbor is an ordeal. An expensive one at that. The time, hotels, food, the drive (dear god, the drive), all conspire against such an investment of time and money. Still, I try more often than is sensible to make that trip. Despite the headaches associated with these weekend jaunts I kept telling myself if I get season tickets, dammit, I'll go to most of the games. They'll be some stinkers. I'll eat those tickets. I'll cough up the roughly $500-600 a weekend (lodging, gas, food, booze) to hit the games. It's worth it. Besides its an investment in the future. I can't wait for that great home season when my wife and I are there, Michigan beats the crap out of Notre Dame in the Big House before going on to an undefeated season, and I get to hold that over her head all year long. One of these days it'll be worth it. But, at this point, it's just a fantasy. Then, out of no where, a big yellow envelope appeared bearing the Michigan "Block M" and the Victors Club logo. My heart skipped a small beat as I delicately opened the envelope. Inside was a letter from the Club telling me that while season tickets were not available, I was being offer a "partial ticket plan". (thump-thump!) The plan allowed me to purchase two seats for every game but Iowa. (thump-thump-thump!) This is not a season ticket plan, and participation in this plan does not guarantee season tickets or the availability of this plan next year. (thump?) I then proceeded to read to schedule and any remaining excitement quickly dissipated. Vanderbilt Central Michigan Wisconsin Michigan State Northwestern Ball State (thud) These were the games I would be allowed to purchase tickets for. All or nothing. The only game on the available schedule that I wanted to purchase tickets for was Wisconsin. If the offer contained an assurance that I could purchase seasons next year, I wouldn't have hesitated. But it didn't. Had the option of Iowa been there, I probably would've sucked it up and bought the package anyway knowing full well that I still wouldn't be able to purchase season tickets the next year. So I thought about it. While the ticket prices weren't out of reach, they certainly weren't free. Was it worth the time and expense to pay for these horrid games and two good ones, just my wife and I, when we could watch them in better seats from the comfort of our living room? What the hell would I do with the Ball State, CMU, NU, or Vandy tickets (our anniversary weekend)? My desire to eat those tickets for the joy of the Wisconsin and MSU games proved to be non-existent. Especially when I know I can get tickets for those games without having to participate in the program. Still, I wanted to do this. I called Michigan friends and supporters looking for takers. I said "As long as I get the Wisconsin game the rest are yours." I offered to defray a little more of the cost. No one bit. It turned out several of the people I called were doing the same thing I was. With a mortgage hovering on the horizon, I knew I couldn't do it. Sadly, I slid the form back into the envelope and let it sit on the kitchen counter well past the expiration date of the offer. You can frown. You can judge me. You can call me not a true fan. Your barbs will not sting. The schedule stung me enough. I'll still go to the Wisconsin game. I'm getting some buddies together for Northwestern, something tells me there will be seats available for that game. But in looking at the schedule, I got to thinking, is this the worst schedule we've seen in a decade or two? There are two home dates I'm excited about, Wisconsin and Iowa, and one I'm legitimately interested in, MSU. The rest? Ugh... PART II: The 2006 Home Schedule, Where Does it Stand Over the Last Ten Years? Do Vandy, CMU, or Ball State really crap up this schedule that badly? What about the 'Cats or Spartans? The 'Cats graduated everyone and recently lost their coach. MSU? Who knows? John L. is still there so I'm betting on "suck". Iowa's the heavy hitter of the schedule, but Wisconsin should be down this year with a new Coach and RB. Vandy? Cutler's in the NFL and there's no way they duplicate their best record in 20 years this year. Ball State and CMU? We'll leave it at that. Here are the 2005 Records for Michigan's 2006 home scheduled opponents and the conferences they come from (for OOC, of course): Vanderbilt: 5-6 (SEC) Central Michigan: 6-5 (MAC) Wisconsin: 9-3 Michigan State: 5-6 Iowa: 7-4 Northwestern: 7-4 Ball State: 4-7 (MAC) The totals come to 43-32, and a .573% winning percentage. Not a bad strength of schedule, really. As an interesting coincidence, that number is only .01% off of Michigan's .583% winning percentage last year. This year's opponents average 5 loses a piece. Again, strangely matching last year's campaign. Scary. Looking at the schedule, despite the numbers, you still think it sucks. Two MAC teams, a poster child for futility in Vandy, and a couple of Big Ten Teams in down years. Does it really suck as bad as you think? Well, I ran the numbers, and you can judge for yourself. Here's the deal: I wanted to see statistically how the 2006 home schedule stacked up. I went back and compiled the won-loss records for each team that played Michigan at home over the past ten years. You'll see that I've listed the records each team posted the year prior to playing Michigan as well. The thought behind this is to gauge, at least on paper, how tough Michigan's schedule was supposed to be going into each particular year. You'll be able to compare the team's prior year won/loss to its actual resulting record the year it played Michigan in the Big House. The records compiled are only for the teams playing Michigan in Ann Arbor. If you're scratching your head looking for Michigan State or Ohio State scores in each year, you're wasting your time. Remember, those two teams rotate home games with Michigan. (HT: http://cfbdatawarehouse.com/index.php couldn't have done it without their database.) Looking back a few years at the schedules you get the following teams Michigan played at home and their records coming into that season. Michigan Home Schedules and Their Opponent's W/L Record from the Previous Year: 2005: Northern Illinois (9-3), Notre Dame (6-6), Eastern Michigan (4-7), Minnesota (7-5), Penn State (4-7), Indiana (3-8), OSU (8-4) 2004: Miami of Ohio (13-1), San Diego State (6-6), Iowa (10-3), Minnesota (10-3), Michigan State (8-5), Northwestern (6-7) 2003: Central Michigan (4-8), Houston (5-7), Notre Dame (10-3), Indiana (3-9), Illinois (5-7), Purdue (7-6), OSU (14-0) 2002: Washington (8-4), Western Michigan (5-6), Utah (8-4), Penn State (5-6), Iowa (7-5), Michigan State (7-5), Wisconsin (8-6) 2001: Miami of Ohio (6-5), Western Michigan (9-3), Illinois (5-6), Purdue (8-4), Minnesota (4-7), OSU (8-4) 2000: Bowling Green (5-6), Rice (5-6), Wisconsin (10-2), Indiana (4-7), Michigan State (10-2), Penn State (5-7) 1999: Notre Dame (9-3), Rice (5-6), Purdue (9-4), Illinois (3-8) , Northwestern (3-8), OSU (11-1) 1998: Syracuse (9-4), Eastern Michigan (4-7), Michigan State (7-5), Indiana (2-9), Penn State (9-3), Wisconsin (8-5) 1997: Colorado(10-2), Baylor (4-7), Notre Dame (8-3), Northwestern (10-2), Iowa (9-3), Minnesota (4-7), OSU (11-1) 1996: Illinois (5-5-1), Boston College (4-8), UCLA (7-5), Indiana (2-9), Michigan State (6-5-1), Penn State (9-3) Crunching the Expectation Numbers from the previous years you get the following winning percentages of the teams (from the previous year) in that season's strength of schedule: 2006: (winning percentage based on 2005 results) - .573 - Av. 5 losses 2005: 41-40 - .506 W% - Av. 5.71 losses 2004: 53-28 - .654 W% - Av. 4 losses 2003: 48-40 - .545 W% - Av. 5.71 losses 2002: 48-36 - .571 W% - Av. 5.14 losses 2001: 40-29 - .58 W% - Av. 4.33 losses 2000: 39-27 - .591 W% - Av. 4.5 losses 1999: 40-30 - .571 W% - Av. 5 losses 1998: 39-33 - .547 W% - Av. 5.5 losses 1997: 56-25 - .691 W% - Av. 4.17 losses 1996: 33-35-2 - .485 W% - Av. 5.83 losses Now to take a look at how those years actually turned out with the previous year's data in our pockets. The Resulting Records for teams playing Michigan in Ann Arbor: 2005: Northern Illinois (7-5), Notre Dame (9-3), Eastern Michigan (4-7), Minnesota (7-4), Penn State (12-1), Indiana (4-7), OSU (8-4) 2004: Miami of Ohio (7-4), San Diego State (4-7), Iowa (10-2), Minnesota (10-3), Michigan State (5-7), Northwestern (6-6) 2003: Central Michigan (3-9), Houston (7-6), Notre Dame (5-7), Indiana (2-10), Illinois (1-11), Purdue (9-4), OSU (14-0) 2002: Washington (7-6), Western Michigan (4-8), Utah (5-6), Penn State (9-4), Iowa (11-2), Michigan State (4-8), Wisconsin (8-6) 2001: Miami of Ohio (7-5), Western Michigan (5-6), Illinois (10-2), Purdue (6-6), Minnesota (4-7), OSU (8-4) 2000: Bowling Green (2-9), Rice (3-8), Wisconsin (9-4), Indiana (3-8), Michigan State (5-6), Penn State (5-7) 1999: Notre Dame (5-7), Rice (5-6), Purdue (7-5), Illinois (8-4) , Northwestern (3-8), OSU (11-1) 1998: Syracuse (8-4), Eastern Michigan (3-8), Michigan State (6-6), Indiana (4-7), Penn State (9-3), Wisconsin (11-1) 1997: Colorado(5-6), Baylor (2-9), Notre Dame (7-5), Northwestern (5-7), Iowa (7-5), Minnesota (3-9), OSU (11-2) 1996: Illinois (2-9), Boston College (5-7), UCLA (5-6), Indiana (3-8), Michigan State (6-6), Penn State(11-2) Crunching The Resulting Numbers from Michigan's Home Opponents: 2006: (winning percentage based on 2005 results) - .573 - Av. 5 losses 2005: 50-29 - .633 - Av. 4.14 losses 2004: 42- 29 - .592 - Av. 4.14 losses 2003: 38-49 - .437 - Av. 7 losses 2002: 48- 40 - .545 - Av. 5.71 losses 2001: 39-31 - .557 - Av. 5.17 losses 2000: 26-42 - .382 - Av. 7 losses 1999: 34-36 - .486 - Av. 6 losses 1998: 41-29 - .586 - Av. 4.83 losses 1997: 40-43 - .482 - Av. 6.14 losses 1996: 32-38 - .457 - Av. 6.33 losses Looking at the numbers, it appears I may have underestimated the upcoming season. Taking the previous year's won-loss records this year's schedule, at least mathematically, projects out to a .573 winning percentage for the visiting teams. Such a winning percentage would place the 2006 season as the 4th toughest of Michigan season's over the last ten years. In terms end of season results, if the records bear out, it would also be 4th best winning percentage from its opponents Michigan has faced in the last ten years. Michigan's records for the last ten years are as follows: 2005: 7-5 2004: 9-3 (Big Ten Co-Champs [Rose Bowl!]) 2003: 10-3 (Big Ten Champions [Rose Bowl!]) 2002: 10-3 2001: 8-4 2000: 9-3 (Big Ten C0-Champs) 1999: 10-2 1998: 10-3 (Big Ten Co-Champs) 1997: 12-0 (National Champions [Rose Bowl!] & Big Ten Champions) 1996: 8-4 Now take a look at Michigan's Results Compared to that Season's Home Opponent's Projected and Actual Results: YEAR: Record - Projected W% - Actual W% 2005: 7-5 - .506% - .633% 2004: 9-3 - .654% - .592% 2003: 10-3 - .545% - .437% 2002: 10-3 - .571% - .545% 2001: 8-4 - .58% - .557% 2000: 9-3 - .591% - .382% 1999: 10-2 - .571% - .486% 1998: 10-3 - .547% - .586% 1997: 12-0 - .691% - .482% 1996: 8-4 - .485% - .457% Comparing the projected and actual schedule strength to Michigan's results doesn't help to explain its results. While last year's results can be explained (in some measure) by the gaudy .633% winning percentage of Michigan's opponents, Michigan's posted 9 win and 10 win seasons against its second and third toughest resulting schedules. 2004 contained cupcakes Miami (OH) and San Diego State while 1998 featured home delights 'Cuse and Eastern Michigan. On its fourth toughest resulting schedule, Michigan laid an egg and went 8-4. Looking at the projected W/L records doesn't help much either. Last year's schedule was the 2nd lowest incoming winning percentage in ten years, and we got whupped. Our lowest incoming winning percentage resulted in an 8-4 season. Michigan played its best when the incoming winning percentages were at .600 or above. The incoming .573% is in that no-man's land between 8-4 and 10-2. If the 2005 home schedule is looked at closely, it provides a little home optimism in comparison. Two OOC MAC cupcakes at home plus Notre Dame. Two cupcake wins, one heartbreaker. This year no heartbreaker, two OOC MAC cupcakes and a SEC cupcake in Vandy. Mmmmmm.... cupcakes.... The best comparison for the 2006 schedule appears to be 2002. Michigan beat down a Washington team it should've better in Seattle the prior year. Then it took out MAC cupcake Western Michigan and pounded a not-ready-for-prime-time Utah team. 3 out of conference home wins. Michigan went on to a 10-3 season. Looking at the projected and resulting numbers, the .571% projected and .541% resulting winning percentages look most similar to what our 2006 home schedule has laid before us. You also have to remember that in 2002, Ohio State was away. Michigan State, Wisconsin and Iowa dot the 2002 and 2006 schedules. The Big Ten opponents and OOC cupcakes line up the same as 2002. If Michigan can hold serve, this could end up a 10 win season after all. At least that's what 2002 is telling me. Maybe there is reason to be a little more optimistic. Maybe I should've put in for more tickets. Maybe we'll surprise. The schedules as composite data tells us little, other than Michigan is unpredictable every season except in 4th and short. However, the individual schedules provide some hope for comparison's sake. Contrary to my earlier opinion, this is not Michigan's worst home schedule in a decade. In fact, based on the previous year's numbers, it sits 4th out of 11 seasons in terms of incoming strength of schedule. Knowing what I know now, maybe I should've gotten those tickets. But its too late now. All I know is that I just killed a little more time while waiting for kick off. (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
6:20 pm	Pac-10 Primer www.tucsoncitizen.com There actually is a little room for debate. USC has lost 11 starters, including the past two Heisman Trophy winners, so it has plenty of reloading to do after its last-minute loss to Texas in the national championship Rose Bowl. This might be the time for the rest of the league to catch the Trojans. But there is also little doubt that USC will be the anointed team to beat tomorrow when the Pac-10 conducts its annual media day in Los Angeles and announces the results of its preseason poll. The race for the Pac-10 remains for second. It probably will be that way every year until coach Pete Carroll decides to return to the NFL. The Citizen's John Moredich and Anthony Gimino each see California and Arizona State as the league's top challengers this season, but the Bears have a question at quarterback and the Sun Devils are still looking for a semblance of a defense. The rest of the league is up for grabs. With preseason coverage ready to kick off, here's a preview of some of the best and worst of the Pac-10. Moredich's take Offensive player of the year California's Marshawn Lynch is good, but USC receiver Dwayne Jarrett scares the heck out of every defensive coach in the business, and rightly so. Jarrett caught 91 passes for 16 touchdowns last season. The chances of defending him one-on-one is as good as winning the lottery. Defensive player of the year USC junior defensive end Lawrence Jackson better prepare for double and triple teams trying to prevent him from getting into the backfield. Won't matter. Jackson will get there anyway. The proof is 16 sacks and 24 tackles for losses in two years. Calling for Arizona isn't being a homer; it is just common sense. UA has 17 returning starters, an up-and-coming star quarterback in Willie Tuitama, and a stiff defense. It also helps that the bottom of the league isn't particularly scary. Surprise team Wrong time to give UCLA coach Karl Dorrell a contract extension. No Drew Olson, no Maurice Drew, no Marcedes Lewis, minus six key defensive starters . . . no chance of winning 10 games again. Coach with a lot to prove Washington coach Tyrone Willingham's military-type approach won't work, and he hasn't won over the fans. Gimino's take Offensive player of the year Lynch is in line for a monster season. He averaged 8.8 yards per carry as a freshman backup and rushed for 124.6 yards per game last season. The plan is to get him more touches out wide in Cal's new spread offense, which would make him a lot like that Reggie Bush guy who used to be at USC. Defensive player of the year Gotta go with Jackson, too, even though CBs Daymeion Hughes (Cal) and Antoine Cason (Arizona) could be more valuable. But linemen and linebackers tend to win this award, and Jackson should be a force on a defense that should re-establish dominance. Surprise team Nothing is more valuable in the Pac-10 than a talented senior quarterback, and that's what Stanford has in Trent Edwards. His health is always an issue, but if he makes it through, the Cardinal won't be doomed to be last as many predictions indicate. Coach with a lot to prove Yes, the Bruins should take a step back this season, but their future looks good (although not exactly USC-good). The futures are cloudier for Washington, Washington State and Oregon State. And to think that the Northwest schools were the toast of the league just five years ago. Easiest schedule ASU coach Dirk Koetter had his contract extended in the spring, good through 2009, which should give him enough time to win a Pac-10 game in California. He's winless in 10 tries. Oregon State must be afraid of a little competition. They have a tester at Boise State in what has been an intriguing series, but no team in the Pac-10 has two surer nonconference wins as OSU does with Eastern Washington and Idaho. Toughest schedule Oregon plays at Fresno State and has Oklahoma in nonleague tilts, plus has ASU, California and USC on the road. And a season-finale at Oregon State is no picnic because the Ducks have lost four in a row in Corvallis. That Pac-10 road slate will be their biggest obstacle to a run at the league title. (Comment on this)
Monday, July 31st, 2006
10:19 pm	Piggly Wiggly Here is the sign I mentioned in yesterdays post. I ... Piggly Wiggly Here is the sign I mentioned in yesterdays post. I found it years ago at the Rose Bowl swap meet in Pasadena. I mounted this sign in the garage since the size is about 5 feet in diameter (about the size of half a Union 76 Ball). Stop by tomorrow for a Vintage Disneyland piece. (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 29th, 2006
5:10 pm	Holy Crap, I've Hit 10000 I looked at my SiteMeter statistics this morning and discovered that I've had over 10,000 visitors to my blog! Woo! Granted, this is since I started counting back in October, so I have had more visitors than that, but still. And, you know, I should probably not be counting all the times DH visits, because he comes back at least 400 times a day, but oh well. So, who was the 10,000th visitor, you ask? Surprisingly enough, it wasn't DH, but my good friend in DC, Kim. I'm sorry you lost $20 when the Mavs won on Saturday. But I'm glad that you and the boy seem to be getting along very well! :) Here are some funny search terms that have led people to my blog. People can be weird.... "austin is burning"(referring to A&M's rival, University of Texas, winning the Rose Bowl) "ryan philippe's children"(they are adorable, aren't they?) "gas mask chair dentist"(my ode to dental work) "natalie maines braless" (wtf?) "aquarians like to drink" (why, yes they do!) "when did charli and brent get married" (I didn't even know they were engaged!) and my personal favorite..... "jumping boobs" (this one comes up quite frequently, actually) On another side note, this is my 301st post, as well. :) (Comment on this)